I better take this chance now.

That day when she realized that was it and that all her love relantionship with him was over, she wanted to cry but she promised she wasn't going to cry anymore for him. After all almost a year was gone since he came clear and told her that his love was gone.

Even if so many months has gone, she still finds hard to believe that and she wonders all the time how "love" can dissapear like if it was smoke .

"Poor you" she told to her self, as if there were two persons in the same body, "He didn't love us as much as he said, does he?. But you know what, you better get over it right now or you never could, if i can do it then you can do it, and you know i can be completely me without you because you're my other half... not that half he used to talk about but the real one, i can't live without you and you can't live without me, so get up! and stop suffering for him, he doesn't care!! he told you he was fed up with all that situation you were passing through... so girl, get over it".

"I really wanna be over him" she said, "do you think i want to be like this? depressed when i find myself thinking of him, all the time sad because his memories is all what i have now. You don't really know what HEART BROKEN means!!!, it's like falling into a big dark deep hole, in which you find your self falling and falling and you can't get out of it even if you want... and why's that??... because you can't!!!! ...i still don't find that rope that will help me to get out from this hole i'm losing myself in" ... isn't that sad? she wants to get out and she feels she can't. Maybe it's because she's still attached to him and so many ways, starting for all mornings when she's waiting for him to get online on msn so they can talk or maybe are those moments when she opens her mailbox hoping to have an email from him. Just God knows how she gets mad when she finds her mailbox empty or when all the emails are for her but none from him. Only God knows the hapinness she feels when there are news from him. Only God really knows that feeling of joy she feels when she's reading his emails even if few seconds before she was angry at him for not writting her or letting her know how he's doing, even if she feels pathetic too for depending from him. I would probably feel like that too. That's her life without him. She trys to move on but she's still stucked. And again just God knows how many times she has tried to erase him from his mind and keep him just as a memory and not as her true first love. Oh God if you could tell us all what you know, that feeling she has when she tries to deny the love she feels for him just becuase she doesn't love her back.... that feeling of supression when they're talking and she can't tell him how much she still love him. That's why she feels mad at him sometimes... "how don't you realized that i still love you with all my heart" she thinks while talking to him.

I could keep all night long writting about all this ... but i guess you already know.