Alone inlove

Here we go again, and again and again, i can't stop thinking about him and i can't stop talking about him and i can't stop loving him!. But i feel that if i don't express what i'm feeling then i'm going to get sick because even if LOVE is a positive feeling it can be painful because he doesn't love me back. Alors...i'd like to know what to do, where should i go or who i could talk with to feel better. I dont want to have bad feelings inside me because then i could get sick so here it is a list trying to explain how i feel right now:

1.- I feel angry, because i still love him and he doesn't love me back anymore and because he continues with his life as if nothing happened between us and i'm stuck in my life.

2.- I feel betrayed, because i thought our love was strong and i thought we were fine but suddenly he decided it wasn't ok and that HE STOP LOVING ME BACK!! ... that makes me feel so angry... how can somebody change his mind so quickly?.

3.- I feel stupid, because even if i've been suffering about all this situation i don't stop loving him and i even hope that maybe one of these days he will call me and tell me he was wrong and that he loves me with all his heart Forever and Ever lalalatatataxaxaxa... i even use the words "we" used to say.

4.- I feel lost, because even if i have my life as a single person, i mean just myself and not shared with somebody else, i don't know where to go or what to do bc all i do is to think about that stupid guy who let me go without knowing that i can't stop loving him and that maybe i'll be inlove with him forever. First true love.

5.- I feel guilty, because even if i know it wasn't my fault that he didn't love me anymore sometimes i can't stop thinking that maybe he stopped loving me for something i said or something i did.

6.- I feel sad, because i miss him so much!!!.

7.- I feel i lost someone really valuable and who i may never find again.

8.- I feel jealous he can continue with his normal life, hanging out with his friends and having a normal life while i'm still here ... waiting for him living my life without me.

9.- I feel a big liar and hypocrite, because when he asked me if i was ok with his decision (when he broke up with me) i agreed because i've always known you can't forced someone to love you, even if deep in my heart i wanted to slap him and scream at him for breaking my heart, dreams and ilussions.

10.- I feel fake, because when we talk i pretend i'm ok when i'm really not and i act as if i'm cool with the idea of being friends.

11.- I feel an idiot for letting him take control over my emotions !!.

12.- I feel addicted to him and i dont want anymore.

13.- I feel in love with him and i don't want to forget him!!.

14.- I feel insecure ... unsafe... ugly... depressed ... alone ... fooled ... for beliving in him and for being like this.

I hate you for not loving me you fucking idiot!!.

but then i regret about what i said about me hating you because i can't really hate you.

I feel worst than what i just wrote but i can't explain it. But please don't think i'm sad all the time, nooo, i fake and i try to convince myself that i'll be better!!.

Peace \0/