I'm fed up of this situation

Ok, here's the thing.... I think i'm in love of this guy who doesn't even live in the same place where i live. I know he has feelings for me to, but for a really weird reason, we're always in a situation where we can't be with each other but we can't be without each other, it's like that game i used to play when i was a child, "Snakes and ladders", in some point we're almost on the top of our "relantionship" (if i can call it like that) and in another point it seems like we just started. I'm soo tired of that, i really care about him and all that but there's a point where i gotta tell to myself "stop it Leticia, you're wasting your time"... why? because besides it's a really surreal situation, i feel that he doesn't "love" me anymore, he just talks to me and all that because he doesn't want to be alone, and i feel that as soon as he finds someone who really makes him feel alive again, he will just dump me and he'll keep walking. I've been thinking in that situation lots of times, and i know that this is not healthy but sometimes i feel he's like a drug and i'm like an addicted to him. When he acts really sweet and kind with me, i'm the happiest girl all over the planet and i feel so strong and that nothing can tear us apart, but when he acts normal and as he didn't care about me, i start to feel kind of sad and sometimes i even hate myself for loving him and losing him at the same time. I'm not even capable of hating him i hate myself ....how bad is that?????. I know i'm all a mess, but this time i won't even say that i'll get over him or stuff like that, i've done that so many times and it doesn't work so i'll just keep like this and waiting for the right moment where i can sing soooo good that song from from Kelly Clarkson named "Since u been gone"... when i sing that song all good and with no feelings attached, i'll know i'm so much over him. While that happens, i'll still be here, receiving what he wants to give me and that makes me feel happy... i k now i'llget tired of that soon. =) so don't feel sorry for me.