Speechless

I'm here again, trying to write all what I think, I know it's not possible because while I'm thinking something suddenly another idea or thought appears in my head... could it be because i'm "gameness" and the twins have different points of view ?? so maybe when i say "it's great" another part of me says "it's not really"... i like to have these two points of view but sometimes it's difficult to deal with it, because when i want to take a decision i don't know what to choose, so the way i do it is following my intuition even when sometimes the things doesn't work as i'd like to. I'm not saying that my intuition is wrong, i'm saying that what seems to be bad for me in that particular moment could be the beginning for a good way...i guess that's why we should never complain about anything, because "everything happens for a reason".
Right now it's raining here, i love it when it rains, it feels cool and clean, the smell of wet earth is nice too, (but just sometimes), it makes me feel like free, as if i'm someone special but only from him, from my God, i know he understands me and knows exactly what i think, and sometimes when i write about "our relationship" i feel as crying because i'm so happy to have it in my life since the first day i was born, i'm happy to continue with this and also i'd like to be closer, i know the way but i don't know why i haven't tried it, am i scared? am i thinking that maybe i'll fail? i don't want that but if i never tried i'll never know.
Some days I wake up with a very different point of view of what the word is, I see it clearly, and all full of love, and I start to think that we receive signs from everywhere, that nothing happens just because, that everyone in this earth or another has the right to be, that all the things that happens to us are not by chance but they really meant to be. Oh God, I have so much to learn and to know, I'm a completely ignorant, I want to start to see, to listen, to taste, to touch, to smell but in real... Please help me, please live in me and never abandon me. I love you so much. I'm nothing without you. I want to thank you for everything I have, for my family, my friends, myself, my angels, my savor Jesus, my Virgen de Guadalupe, and for everything...Thank you so much, I'm happy and I'm everything because of you. There's nothing bad, only the contrasts. I love you so much.